Monday, November 21, 2016

Giving Thanks

By Phantom Troublemaker


This is the time of year when we gather together with our friends, family, and neighbors to give thanks and to take some time to appreciate the things that we might take for granted in our day to day lives.

It is a time for reflection and contemplation. A time to embrace the wonders of life and find the joy in simply  being. Whether you believe in a god or fate or simply the power of your own life force, this is a special time of year that crosses denominational and cultural borders.

Thanksgiving is one of the few holidays that is relatively untouched by crass commercialization and can be appreciated as simply a time to commune with others, oneself, or the universe.

As such, I’m going to take this opportunity to write about toys and wrestling and stuff.

Here’s a completely ridiculous list of things that I’m thankful for.


I am thankful that the WWE Network does not put those stupid, blurry borders around older programming that was not originally presented in widescreen. I don’t know what idiot thought that a blurry extension of the images on screen was less distracting than a couple of innocuous black rectangles, but I’m glad they were shitcanned before they could get their stupid hands on Network programming.


I am thankful that Marvel Legends are not holding their value. I have been complaining for years about the $20 price tag. Now you can find most releases on Amazon for $12 to $15 within a month of when they come out. Sometimes before I’ve even seen them on shelves in Georgia. Eat it, Hasbro.


I am thankful for New Balance shoes. My back has been an ongoing dumpster fire since I turned 40 and these shoes provide relief and are the only ones that I can rely on to be comfortable for long periods of time. And let me be clear on one thing – if you seek to give me crap for loving shoes that apparently endorse Donald Trump, you can EAT MY ASS. Let me know when your life is free of products that don’t have some relation to a reprehensible shitbag.


I am thankful that there are government restrictions on how much my job can work me. I have worked almost every day this month as of this writing and I am OVER IT.

Related - I am thankful for the camera in my cell phone because without it I would have forgotten what my family looks like.

Added after writing; still not sure what it's called
I am thankful for the creative individuals in the adult beverage industry that combine fruity nonsense with beer in an effort to create a beverage that doesn’t taste like what I assume horse urine tastes like. Sometimes it really works, as with Traveler’s Jack-O Pumpkin Shandy and Glurbefellietenstein’s Cranberry Ginger Shandy.

Side Note:  Glurbefellietenstein is not, as far as I know, a real company. I just can’t remember the extremely German name of the company that makes the cranberry stuff. Also, shandy may or may not actually be beer. I have no idea. But so far what I’ve had is good.


I am thankful for cargo pants. They are comfortable with plenty of room inside and extra pockets outside to carry your stuff. I don’t like having my balls smooshed, but I suppose some do. You know who you are, weirdo.


I am thankful that The Exorcist hasn’t been cancelled because I honestly thought we’d only get three episodes. It’s my favorite show on television right now and seemed too good to survive.


I am thankful for Westworld. It’s just fucking rad.


I am thankful that the perfect Christmas gift for Mrs. Troublemaker just happens to be coming out and that she doesn’t have a clue about it. She is oddly hard to shop for despite not being very demanding in the money/fancy shit department. But this one is going to blow her mind.


I am thankful that Supergirl didn’t start sucking when it went to the CW. It is, however, unfortunate that Jimmy “James” Olsen made it through the transition.



I am thankful that Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets is coming out next year because Luc Besson is awesome and HOLY SHIT THAT TRAILER. Also, if you remember from my review of Amazing Spider-Man 2 I am a big fan of Dane DeHaan.


I am thankful for my Patrons and their understanding that juggling my day job, my family, this site, and the podcast doesn’t leave a lot of time for extra. But that I do what I can.


I am thankful for people that know how to flush toilets, not pee all over the seats, and that know the bathroom is not a place for conversation. You are few, but you are great.


I am thankful that Google Fiber will hopefully be hitting my neighborhood in the next couple of years and will take me away from the rapacious nightmare that is Comcast.


I am thankful for Star Trek, though not so thankful that I’m going to subscribe to and pay for another online streaming service just to watch the new show. Fuck CBS for that bullshit. And no – access to your entire history of programming is not enough of an enticement. You guys aren’t that great.


I am thankful for io9.com and its commenters. If I ever start to agree with any of them, I will know that I am becoming a douchebag and I will be able to take steps to correct that.


I am thankful for the “Hide All From" feature on Facebook.

Finally – and this is sincere – I am thankful for each and every one of you. I appreciate you stopping by and reading what we write every day. I’m glad if the Needless Things Podcast brings you some enjoyment or distracts you from mundane crap in your life. And I’m happy to have this outlet to, as Stone Cold Steve Austin says, “Spew muh bullshit”. If I can do that and entertain you guys at the same time, that’s pretty cool.
I love you guys.

But I’d love you more if you were Patrons.

Happy Thanksgiving, Phantomanics!




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