Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Platinum Championship... Um, Empire Wrestling 3/2/2012

Probably the most important thing that came out of last Friday night’s PCW show was that I did not drink and had almost as good a time as when I do drink.
That’s not anything to do with me, that’s all PCW.
Now, what I’m really curious to find out now is if my recall is any better. I’m sitting here writing this on Monday night (which is a pretty normal time frame for me) and have only my lousy pictures to jog my memory. I suspect things won’t be much better, if only because my picture-taking skills did not improve one little bit when I was sober.

Going to Friday’s show was kind of a last-minute decision. Me and Evil had decided to hang out and of course the first idea out of my head was, “We should go to PCW,” and his response was “Ooh, yeah!”
The reason for my sobriety is that I am once again on the no-carb diet to try and slim up a little bit for Days of the Dead, Georgia’s first horror convention. Initially it was also so I could get fitted for a costume for Dragon*Con later this year, but I’m pretty sure that’s not happening now. And yeah – I know liquor doesn’t have any carbs, but then you just burn alcohol the next day instead of fat and I need all the fat burning I can get.
Note: I ended up drinking a shitload of rum the next night because we went to a redneck bar to party with Evil and Boots, but at least I didn’t do it two nights in a row!
So I was the DD for the night and it was interesting because my Lasik is still leveling out and I’m not sure I was actually driving better sober. My night vision is still a little jacked up sometimes. But we arrived at the grand Academy Theater intact and met up with the Grand Hoff and Little Pond.
Things started up around 8:30. Action, excitement, danger, drama; these are all signatures of Platinum Championship Wrestling. Punctuality? Not so much. But I’ll take the others over timeliness any day of the week, and Friday night we got them in spades.
The first thing that happened was that The Surrealists brought free pizza out to the audience. Naturally this would happen on the one night that I cannot eat pizza. But the other Hooligans chowed down on some delicious Savage slices.
Curry Kid
Vs.
Supernatural
This match opened up with a dance-off, which I have to say Curry Kid won handily by busting out everything but the Sprinkler. Supernatural could barely even manage the old Charleston knee swipe. But who needs to be able to dance when you can WHOOP ASS?
And whoop ass Supernatural did. Actually, there was a good bit of back-and-forth until the action spilled out of the ring and Supernatural hid behind a curtain in order to ambush the Spicy King and slap what I can only call a Riding Sleeper on him all the way back to the ring. 


Curry Kid put forth a valiant effort, but the Tiny Terror was just too fast and on top of his game to be beaten. The match ended in a no-contest when the ten minute time limit was up. But what really matters is that Curry Kid ended the match face down with that dick Shane Marx and that saucy little minx Miss Rachel standing in the ring. Evil and Little Pond like her new haircut. I do not
Anyway, as far as I’m concerned the result was this:
YOUR WINNER – Supernatural
Marx and Rachel blah-blah-blahed for a minute, but we didn’t have to listen to their crap for long because the Sensational Jay Fury was headed out to the ring to drop some knowledge.
Fury said he’s still hurting and isn’t quite ready to step up and whoop Shane Marx’s bitch ass yet, but he’d be glad to ruin the day of any other assclown Empire might care to serve up. This made Marx and Rachel stomp around and have hissy fits while the Sensational one prompted your PCW ring announcer to give the most awesomely ridiculous extroduction (what’s the real word for that?) I’ve ever heard. I’m pretty sure that guy hurt himself.
Speaking of which, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge Platinum Championship Wrestling’s Academy Theater ring announcer. I didn’t catch his name, but the guy is outstanding. Not only does he put a whole lot of extra stank on the guys’ intros and create a real, big-time feel; he also does a ton of other stuff. He kept time for the opening match, he watches every move of every match to have the bell ready to ring at the right times, he does little bits with the guys taking the mic from him to talk. Lots of little things that require so much more effort than just reading off of a card. He really is an integral part of the show that I think deserves acknowledgement.
Okay, back to the ACTION.
Amish Guy
Vs.
Vandal w/ De La Vega
I don’t care for Amish guy. I just don’t think he’s very good with his character. And he certainly doesn’t do much for me ring-wise.
What’s interesting about that statement is that I said almost the exact same thing about Vandal after the first time I saw him and I really like that guy now. So maybe cut Amish guy a break, huh?
But we didn’t see any potential Friday night, as Amish guy threw shitty punches and sold like crap while Vandal was exciting and quick. Amish guy made a decent punching bag, I guess.
YOUR WINNER – Vandal
And then this guy showed up:
Oh boy. Looks like the Hooligans are going to have a field day with this wanna-be King Diamond.
Valek Vs.
Record Breaker” Tommy Daniels
Except it turned out that Valek was solid in the ring and great with his character. He was grunting and hissing and making demon faces the whole match. There seems to be a story going on with Daniels that I’m not aware of. It sounds like he is maybe on a losing streak or is having a bout of low confidence. Either way, things didn’t get any better for the little warrior Friday night, as Valek was all over him.
The match was solid, with plenty of back-and-forth, but Daniels never really could establish an advantage. Actually the match must have been better than solid because I only took a few pictures and that’s almost always a sign that I got caught up in the action. But whatever the case, the end result was still:
YOUR WINNER – Valek
At which point I yelled out that Tommy should be ashamed of himself.
After the match your Platinum Championship Wrestling Champion Mason hit the ring with The Witness in tow. Mason had a few unflattering things to say about the Empire, then guaran-damn-teed that he’d be walking into
Platinum Championship Wrestling
Sacred Ground Chapter III
as the reigning PCW Champion. I’d be fine with that.
Just as a side note, PCW Sacred Ground Chapter III takes place in September and will be held at The Plaza Theater in Atlanta. I have no idea where the Plaza Theater is going to put a wrestling ring, but at least it isn’t an hour and a half away.
I was totally expecting Empire representatives to emerge from the back to confront the Demigod, but instead we got the Clermont Lounge’s Saturday night DJ, Kwasi and CAMPUS Strike Force. The Painbow paused to pose on the ring apron. And then just… kept on posing. For a while. It was awkward.
They finally got in the ring, which turned out to be a very bad mistake, as The Witness just brutalized the fuck out of them and pinned CAMPUS Red in under a minute. I’m pretty sure CAMPUS Green went down out of sheer terror. The CAMPUS pose lasted longer than the match.
YOUR WINNER – The Witness
And then Screamin’ Marty Freeman hit the ring in a jacket that is best described as vulgar. He ran down Mason until The Witness got all mad and grabbed Freeman, shoving him into the corner and clearly about to inflict some Righteous Violence on the little toad.
Let me pause again to point out somebody’s professional wrestling acumen.
Screamin’ Marty Freeman has been a PCW cornerstone since I started watching. He’s a great manager with a loud mouth and he adds volatility to any situation he’s in. The guy has been a great mouthpiece for many Empire wrestlers and has definitely been a huge part of why the stable is the despicable faction it is today.
A huge testament to this man’s skill is that my desire to see The Witness smash his face transcended mere wrestling fun. I really wanted The Witness to pummel this guy. And when Freeman threatened legal action and pretty much forced the huge guy to back down I was genuinely disappointed. That is one of the key roles of the great heel – to make you anticipate the come-uppance. Naturally, the come-uppance has to happen someday, so you keep showing up, hoping today will be the day.
Sadly, last Friday was not the day. I have a feeling Screamin’ Marty will be teasing that glorious event until sometime in September.
Somehow or other the presence of Freeman and Mason led to the next match.
Tubby Warhorse
Vs.
The Jagged Edge
Jagged Edge got this overblown intro where it was pointed out that he is and always would be undefeated and all this other nonsense. The guy has a great presence and a good look, but this match did nothing for him. I hate squashes and squashing a Warhorse proves nothing. The powerslam that ended the match was impressive, but otherwise blech.
YOUR WINNER – Jagged Edge
Apparently Jagged Edge has a shot at the PCW Championship or is at least making a run for it because he and Mason had a Staredown of Intense Intensity after the match. Mason got all up in the bigger man’s face and made a very good display of “I’m not sweating you”.
Lee Roy & Grotesque w/ Miss Rachel
Vs.
Washington Bullets
Lee Roy has been a solid hand every time I’ve seen him. Grotesque has been anywhere from terrible to laughable. The Bullets are awesome. Due to all of that I had no idea what to expect from this match.
What we got was a whole bunch of solid action. Roy stayed in the ring and tagged Grotesque in sparingly – maintaining just enough of an advantage to keep Trey Williams struggling. His brother Jon spent a lot of the match hanging on the ropes, desperate to get a tag and this was another one of those little details that just sell a match. We as the audience felt his tension and desperation, so when the hot tag finally came it was ELECTRIC. Jon came into the ring and hit Roy hard, allowing the Bullets to get a double team move on their opponent. Grotesque then got involved and received a Marion Barry (the Bullets’ finisher and a move almost certainly named by Stephen Platinum), followed by another Marion Barry. But the bad guys prevailed and Empire claimed another victory.
YOUR WINNER – Lee Roy & Grotesque of Empire
I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but Grotesque hit a series of chokeslams where he sort of started halfway to the mat and then held onto Jon Williams’ neck while he brought him back up and then repeated. It was impressive and brutal. I’ve got to say, whoever was under that mask did a fair job. I still don’t like Grotesque, but this was the best I’ve seen out of the character.
Also, his mask looked like it had little kitty-cat ears. I tried to get a close-up but it didn’t turn out very well.
Najasism
Vs.
The Attraction” Hayden Young
Match of the night. Easily. And there were some good matches. But this one got everybody going. Once the entrances were out of the way, Stephen Platinum(!) stepped out to announce that that repulsive tub of evil Jeff G. Bailey was not in attendance tonight, so a few things needed to be addressed. The first thing was that Najasism and Young had both been screwed out of various opportunities, so this match was now going to be for a shot at whatever title the winner desired. Interesting.
I’ll let a few pictures tell the tale, but suffice it to say this match was just awesome. Both guys put it all out there and earned every “ooh”, “aah” and bit of applause they got. Best live match I’ve seen in a while, and that’s following what was a very good tag match.


Things were rolling along strong with both guys hitting move after move. This was definitely a “Blink and you’ll miss something” type of match.



And then Master Jae and Sylar Cross came out of the back and sort of stood around. Master Jae got up on the apron at one point, but I don’t think there was any actual interference because I don’t remember being pissed. 
Either way the result was the same:
YOUR WINNER – Najasism
Seriously good match. Check out YouTube or PCW’s Facebook page and see if they put it up.
Afterward it looked like the tow Empire goons were about to lay a beatdown on the defeated Hayden Young, but CHIP MOTHERFUCKING DAY ran out to make the save.
Next up was the Comedy Challenge.
Yes. I said “Comedy Challenge”. If I had been at a WWE show I would have immediately tried to find some feces to throw at the ring, but since this was PCW I felt pretty sure we’d be entertained. How does that work? How is it that the big, national company can’t get the entertainment aspect right but the small indie promotion can do segments that are utterly free of wrestling and not only hold my attention but entertain me?
Whatever.
First out for the Comedy Challenge were “Marvelous” Marko Polo and his entourage.
Marko Polo has a Party City crown now, and it would have been the funniest thing I’d ever seen in my life if not for the image of CAMPUS Blue holding said crown reverently the whole time Polo was on the mic:
Polo attempted some jokes and they were awful. Just embarrassing. I’m really impressed he had the balls to come out and drop those bombs. I’d rather take a lariat from Dany Only than deliver such putrid attempts at humor in public. Stephen Platinum even piped up at one point with, “Audience, if you laugh at these jokes you are retarded.” Truer words, my friend.
Mercifully the Surrealists didn’t allow this to go on for too long. Well, that’s not true. It went on for waaay to long, but they got out there just before critical mass was reached.
De La Vega, Oscar Worthy, Prima Donna, and Johnny Danger headed to the ring to the music from Street Fighter. They proceeded to put on a very amusing live action recreation of a fight between Chun Li and Ken (much better than any of the live action Street fighter movies, anyway) with background assistance from Oscar Worthy, who I will not refer to as “The Abstract” out of respect for Q-Tip. He even lifted them up for moves from time to time.
But then the unthinkable happened!
Worthy picked Prima Donna up for Chun Li’s signature Helicopter Kick (I guess – I suck at Street Fighter so I never played it much) and proceed to knock Johnny Danger (Ken) over and piledrive the defenseless lady right on her noggin. It was pretty sick. Polo and his crew descended on the ring and a mini-beatdown was followed by Worthy screaming into the mic about how Empire had shown him that art was dead.
Everybody did a good job here, but I have a feeling Oscar Worthy’s comeuppance is going to be a long time come-upping.
Dynamite Soul” Eric Walker
Vs.
Do or Die” CHIP MOTHERFUCKING DAY
In a “Kendo Sticks Are Totally Legal Unless You’re A Babyface” Match
Very solid match with a good story. I don’t know what the background is between these two right now or why they’ve got beef, but the narrative was that Walker would do anything to win and Day didn’t want to take the easy way out and use the Kendo stick. Day’s way worked for quite a while and he hit some nice kicks and big action moves before Walker finally got a hold of the international object.
This is where my camera battery died. I had meant to switch batteries out before I left the house because I knew I had taken a shitload of toy pictures, but I forgot. Luckily for me and for anybody who is interested in this recap, I have a phone with a camera that I would describe as “fairly decent” and was able to capture the rest of the action!
So after Walker assaulted Day with the Kendo stick he went on a tear, and he did it quite well. A corner senton and some choking with the weapon laid Day out. But soon enough our heroic babyface was able to catch Walker with a spinning kick to the abdomen, causing the Empire’s funkiest bitch to drop the Kendo stick – his seeming sole advantage over Day.
Day went for the weapon, knowing he must resort to foul deeds to win the day (no pun intended); but was foiled when the dastardly duo of Sylar Cross and Master Jae (or as the lady in front of us - who may have been the most stoned person I have ever seen in my life but I’m not judging, here – called him, “Mister Jiggles”) returned to ringside to swipe the weapon.
Just when it looked like Walker was going to gain the advantage, Tougher Than Leather Pandora showed up to save the Day (pun totally intended)! She slid Chip an auxiliary Kendo stick, which he used to bring Dynamite Soul to his knees. Day then slapped on a crossface variation (which should be called Darkest Day) and Walker had no choice but to tap out.
YOUR WINNER – “Do Or Die” CHIP MOTHERFUCKING DAY
Except for this.
Empire’s Triumvirate of Douches came out to the ring and pointed out that Day had used a non-officially-sanctioned Kendo stick. This was obviously ridiculous, but sometimes I can forego logic in order to put a little extra stank on a feud. Day and Pandora made a show of trying to get rid of the offending implement of plunder, but to no avail. As is usually the case, the ref is much cannier when the bad guys are the ones pointing things out. He reversed the decision by disqualifying Chip.
YOUR WINNER – “Dynamite Soul” Eric Walker
Boo.
Pandora picked up the mic and talked some shit about Empire after everybody else left the ring, but I was honestly too worked up at that point to pay attention. I just cheered every time she paused. Please note her awesome pants that I am somewhat jealous of. Actually, the whole purple ensemble is pretty impressive.
And with that ladies and gentlemen,
Your Platinum Championship Wrestling Main Event!
Team Empire
Vs.
We Are 3
Vs.
DamNation
Jonathan Mailk escorted Sylar Cross, Master Jae, and Mr. Erik out to the ring to represent Empire in this three-way elimination tag match. I’m not the biggest fan of Sylar Cross, but the dude does seem to work hard and is at every show, so I gotta respect that. Master Jae is good. I’ve mostly seen him in tag situations and I’d really like to see him on a singles run for a while. Mr. Erik is… well… he knows how to put on wrestling tights.
We Are 3 was out next. Brian Blaze, Aisha Sunshine, and Geter have taken no side but their own in the big PCW/Empire conflict and I think that’s pretty awesome. Cheer them or boo them as you see fit.
And then there’s DamNation. I’m not sure how I feel about babyface Dany Only. Obviously as a wrestler and talent the guy is no less great, but I’m just not as engaged with the character in this mode. Yet, anyway. This is the first time I’ve seen the act live, so it really isn’t fair to judge yet. Accompanying Only were Phantom (no relation), who is awesome, and “Wild Child” Joey Kidman, who may well meet his match in the form of Mr. Erik. That may not be entirely fair, but I’m not a huge fan of the Wild Child. Especially when I thought the third man in this crew was going to be Fred Yehi, who was damn near phenomenal the first time I saw him back in January.
Aisha hopped in the ring to start things off, while Wild Child stepped in for DamNation. But Aisha wanted the big man. She pointed at Only and made her intentions clear. The Human Hand Grenade tagged in and made a show out of not wanting to hit Aisha, despite the fact that she’s tougher than at least twenty-five percent of the other people that were in the ring. She kept on yapping and even threw an elbow or two at Only. Finally, enough was enough and the tattooed warlord had to take action!
So he grabbed one of the toughest women in pro wrestling and kissed her. For a while. She took it just long enough for the audience to get some “ooooo”s going, then retaliated with an attack. Only finally knocked her on her ass and shit went CRAZY GO NUTS!
Geter and Blaze got in the ring, which led to everybody else getting in the ring and we had a Pier 9 brawl (I guess).
The action leveled out after that with a couple of high points. Once again, I failed to take a bunch of pictures and got caught up in things. Mr. Erik hit a DDT on somebody and Dany Only yelled, “A DDT is a finish! Pin him you fucking idiot!”, which goes to show that he is most entertaining when he’s a heel. I mean, he was totally right, but he utilized his natural dickishness to great effect.
Side Note: You should really go check out Dany Only’s Facebook page. The guy does commentaries on wrestling that are fascinating. He’s a good writer with strong opinions. What more do you need?
Geter really shined in this outing. Not only did he hit a very high and agile Big Boot on somebody (I think Sylar Cross), there was a great Big Man spot where Cross ran at Geter full speed and Geter just damn caught him and hoisted him up in a bear hug. And held him there. It was pretty awesome. Every time I see Geter I like him a little more. I think he’s got a babyface run in his future.
Somebody got dropped on their head in an extremely ugly way. I am not positive it was in this match, but I just remembered being very scared for someone at one point during the night.
Finally, the Main Event came down to Brian Blaze and Phantom. Between his quickness and the fact that he was the very last man tagged in, Phantom was dominating. I’m honestly not sure whether or not we even got a finish, because the next picture I’ve got is of pretty much the whole locker room beating the shit out of each other:
YOUR WINNER - ?
During the brawl, Dany Only did get the opportunity to make good on a promise. Earlier in the day he had posted on the Event Page that he was going to knock Jonathan Malik’s dick in the dirt. Sure enough, after chasing the obnoxious little ass weasel out of the PCW Arena, the Human Hand Grenade returned with Malik’s trademark baton (or whatever) in hand.
The violence continued for a bit, to the point where Sylar Cross and Geter came dangerously close to toppling the stack of props to the right of the ring.
And then something surprising and awesome happened.
Jon Williams and Shane Marx ended up in the ring together. It seemed likely Marx was going to beat Williams to death, but instead Jon Williams made Shane Marx his bitch and threw his ass out of the ring.
Dude – it was magnificent.
Afterward, Williams – with his brother now alongside him – cut a very good promo on Marx. It was so good and incendiary, as a matter of fact, that members of Empire had to restrain Marx from running back to the ring and getting his treacherous ass kicked all over again:
If that picture was better I’d put it on a fucking shirt.
Jon Williams made a big name for himself Friday night and I can’t wait to see where it goes. Whenever the payoff ends up happening I really hope my work schedule allows me to see it.
And really, that’s what PCW does best. I always feel driven to see how things are going to turn out. I kid you not – if there was a PCW show and I had to choose between it and WWE, I’d go with PCW. And before you dismiss that as indie fanboy love, remember I chose a regular PCW show over a WWE PPV not that long ago.
If you live in the Atlanta area go see PCW/Empire as soon as you can. I guarantee you’ll have a good time.

-Phantom (the writing one, not the wrestling one)

8 comments:

  1. My favorite part was Steve platinum announcing, Esp. the "it looks like everyone is ready for the match except....." bit.

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    1. Yeah - I didn't want to call that individual out any more than was necessary. I feel kind of bad for the guy.

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  2. Some of WWE's comedy segments entertain me. Not all but some. Pretty much anything involving Santino gets a laugh from me.

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  3. If you liked the announcer, check out Laughing Matters. :D

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    1. http://www.laughingmatters.com/ - Very interesting.

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  4. Whats your problem with Joey Kidman? Hes a good in ring worker.

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    1. Not so much a problem with Joey Kidman. He just hasn't done anything to stand out to me. And keep in mind - I don't get to see nearly as much PCW or Empire as I'd like. Unfortunately I only get a small percentage of any guy's total performances to base my opinions on. And as always I'll point to the fact that I couldn't stand Vandal at first and now like him quite a lot. Not everybody likes everyone always.

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