Wednesday, May 11, 2011

2011 Summer Movie Preview - June


Here's whats happening in theaters in June. There's a lot, so let's get to it!

-Super 8 – 6/10 – As much as I ended up loathing LOST (by the third season, not even the end or anything), I am still a huge fan of J.J. Abrams. I’m especially interested in seeing him do an impersonation of Stephen Spielberg. Verdict – THEATER
-Beginners – 6/3 – Ewan McGregor bonds with with his gay dad, played by Christopher Plummer. Verdict – PASS
-Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer – 6/10 – Some sort of cute little girlie coming-of-age flick. I like Heather Graham, so I’m not going to knock it. Urkel is in it, too. If you’re into that sort of thing. Verdict – PASS
-Bad Teacher – 6/24 – This looks funny as shit. Nothing I can say is going to make it any more appealing than the trailer. I thought I was suffering from Cameron Diaz burnout, but apparently not. Verdict - THEATER
-Cars 2 – 6/24 – Done. There was a time when not every Pixar picture thrilled me. I wasn’t excited about Cars, Finding Nemo or Ratatouille. Those guys proved me wrong. We’ll be taking Lil’ Troublemaker to see this one. Verdict - THEATER
-A Better Life – 6/24 – This one looks pretty interesting. It’s about an illegal immigrant who is trying to keep his son out of LA street gangs while trying to make a living and not get deported. Could be riveting, could be boring as shit. Verdict – RENT
-The Art of Getting By – 6/17 – The kid that played Charlie in Tim Burton’s Chocolate Factory basically plays Billy Madison. But younger. Look for this to be totally not hilarious. Verdict - PASS
-Green Lantern – 6/17 – PICK OF THE MONTH - possibly the whole summer. Well-executed effects + space opera + Martin Campbell + Ryan Reynolds = hard to believe it won’t be awesome. Verdict – OPENING NIGHT or sooner if possible
-Mr. Popper’s Penguins – 6/17 – Jim Carrey reunites with those penguins that were in his refrigerator in Ace Ventura. I dunno. Verdict - RENT
-X-Men: First Class – 6/3Green Lantern narrowly edged this out from being my pick of the month, possibly the whole summer. And it’s mostly because I have more faith in the powers-that-be at Warner Bros. than I do the fucking ignoramuses that run FOX. I love the X-Men (more than any Green Lantern, actually), I love Matthew Vaughn and I have no reason to think the fantastic-looking trailers are deceiving me as to how good this movie will be. Plus there’s the costumes, the cast and Kevin Bacon. But still; FOX, man. Verdict – OPENING NIGHT
June Quick Picks
-Beautiful Boy – 6/3 – About the parents of a kid who shoots up his school. I’m a little surprised this hasn’t been done before now. It’s probably a safer bet than trying to accurately capture the actual pain of being the teenager. Still, not my thing. - PASS
-Bride Flight – 6/3 – Something about Dutch women flying from Holland to New Zealand. I was interested until I found out that they meant in a plane. – PASS
-Love, Wedding, Marriage – 6/3 – Mandy Moore seems like a very sweet girl, so I’m not going to mention how fucking terrible I think this movie sounds. - PASS
-Submarine – 6/3 – A British teen tries to save his parents’ marriage and lose his virginity. It would sound like a wacky, R-rated comedy if not for the “British” part. Now I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of heart-felt, soul-sucking bore fest. Doesn’t this kind of bullshit usually have the decency to wait until November to come out? – PASS
-Just Like Us – 6/10 – A bunch of terrorists try to fit into our society by posing as comedians. And they’re still funnier than women. Just kidding! Don’t shoot me or blow me up or anything… - PASS
-The Trip – 6/10 – I read “talky comedy” and wanted to pass, then remembered I actually like Kevin Smith movies. Then I realized this wasn’t a Kevin Smith movie. – PASS
-Trollhunter – 6/10 – A movie called Trollhunter. And it is actually – hang in there – about hunting trolls. And not, like, lawn gnomes or something. This is some serious, Nordic shit. - THEATER
-Viva Riva! – 6/10 – The only Riva I care about is the one in David Eddings books. Or the one in Jim Butcher books. I don’t give a shit about whatever this is. – PASS
-Kidnapped – 6/15 – A family (presumably American so we’ll give a shit) in Europe gets kidnapped. Unless Liam Neeson is going to get them back I don’t care. So mission failed. - PASS
-Buck – 6/17 – A documentary about a man who is supposedly the last real cowboy, yet is not Clint Eastwood. Fascinating. – PASS
-My Afternoons With Margueritte – 6/17 – Gerard Depardieu is still around? Seriously? – PASS
-Page One – 6/17 – Print is dead. - PASS
-Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop – 6/24 – If this actually gets a wide enough release to show up in Atlanta theaters it will be the first documentary I ever see in a theater. – OPENING NIGHT if possible
Note (left over from last year): Who does all the douchey little drawings in EW?

Until next time, stay creepy
-Phantom

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