Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Dragon*Con 2010 - Part 9 - THE END!

Sunday Night
I have drawn this out as much as I could. This is it! The end! The last of my Dragon*Con recaps! One last Dragon*Con post tomorrow and that's it until next year - so enjoy it while you can.

I was relaxing in my room and enjoying some adult beverages while watching Dragon*Con TV. This came on at one point:

And almost made me want to take back all the nasty things I have said about the Steampunkers. You have to admit, that’s pretty damn funny.
I wasn’t planning on showing up at the Marriot until after 9:00, but Evil called up around 7:30 and said they were there drinking. That seemed a little early to me, but being that this was the last night to party, I thought it might be a good idea to get as much out of it as I could. I suited up in yet another old suit that hadn’t fit in years and went to the party like Northern State.
As soon as I got into the Marriot lobby I was greeted by a gentleman dressed as the fifth Doctor and some lovely folks dressed as characters from my favorite movie:
It looked like this was going to be a good night.
I found Evil with Hoffman and some ladies near our usual spot. There were not a whole lot of people in the Atrium yet, probably because it was so early.
Evil – “There aren’t a whole lot of people here yet. What time is it?”
Me – “About seven thirty.”
Evil – “Wow. That’s kind of early.”
See?
Shortly after settling in I spied a couple of ladies dressed as Batwoman and Batgirl. I really wanted to get a picture with them, not of them; so I headed over. One of the nice ladies with our party offered to take the picture for me and came along. The Bat-ladies were busy posing, but as soon as they had a second I walked up and… got pic-blocked by these two douchetards who seemed to be about five seconds from making out with each other. 
They wanted to get pictures with the Bat-ladies as well, but after they were done stuck around pulling their shirts up and showing off their admittedly impressive abdomens. I tried to chat my way past them, but they didn’t seem to speak English. I think they were clucking to one another in some sort of New Jerseyan sub-dialect. They did understand when the lady with me told them they needed to go ahead and move the fuck along. I appreciated that. I should get that lady a fruit basket.
So anyway, I asked if I could get a picture with Batgirl and Batwoman and I did.
Then KG and JB sidled up and started rocking, with the cast of Plan 9 From Outer Space posing in the background. Only at Dragon*Con, folks. I wouldn’t trade our shitty little nerdfest for anything.
After I went back to our staging area, this kid walked up in some kind of Newsies costume with a Steampunk boom box, looking very much like he was about to set it down and bust out some Victorian moves. Instead, he just put it on the floor.
Me – “That was kind of a letdown. I thought you were going to bust out some moves, there.”
Kid – “Oh, no.”
Me – “No, seriously. You’re walking around with that big-ass ghetto blaster; you’re really giving that impression.”
Everybody Else – “Yeah, aren’t you going to dance?” (or words to that effect)
Kid – “Well, okay.”
And the Kid proceeds to do a sort of robot thing and then moonwalk away. It was actually pretty impressive, especially considering he clearly had no plans to perform previous to speaking to us.
Me – “Awesome! Nice – that’s what I’m talking about!”
Kid – “Well you’re wearing a Luchadore mask. Do you know any wrestling moves?”
This was another bit of impressiveness from the Kid. I wasn’t expecting that. Thankfully, I am a twenty-plus-year student of the game and can pull out some moves in a pinch, especially for someone who doesn’t know any better.
Me – “Yeah, I do. You want to see ‘em? How about a crossface? Or, ooooh! Figure four! C’mere and I’ll do a figure four!”
And apparently he didn’t detect the joking humor of my offer because he took off like somebody lit his little ass on fire. Too bad. I kind of liked him. We could have hung out with that kid.
Next we saw a giant, inflatable dinosaur that Hoffman informed me had a guy inside in SCUBA gear. I thought he was full of shit until the damned thing started walking. I speculated that it must be some kind of weird sex thing. They didn’t agree, but I’m telling you – nobody’s going to that much effort to walk around Dragon*Con in a stupid inflatable dinosaur unless they’re getting off somehow.
This is for Hoffman – Three Assholes:


These two were awesome:

 













The guy asked if we wanted to see the Zombie Makeout Session. Naturally we said we did. He pulled out a bottle of fake blood, dumped about half of it in his mouth and proceeded to fucking go at it with the chick. It was amazing. I really wish I had gotten video of it. There was blood just pouring out all over the place the whole time. It was so great that I didn’t even think about it getting all over the Marriot floor until just now.
Somebody at some point said there was karaoke, and I feel kind of bad right now because I am leaving key party members out. Me and Evil and Hoffman were there from the beginning, with a few other folks disappearing right around the time Gnoll showed up. I believe he had Rich and his lady (Gina?) with him, as well as a couple of very pleasant young girls whose names were mentioned but I can’t remember. I was positive that I was wrong about one of them being dressed as Morena Baccarin’s character from Firefly. It turns out I was. She was some lady I can’t recall from Dragon Age, which I’m pretty sure is a video game. Anyway, she was very nice.
Back to karaoke. I decided that I was going to sing This Guy’s In Love With You for Mrs. Troublemaker and have somebody record it. 
(That's not it)
I was very excited about this idea. So excited that I think I might have knocked somebody over on the way to the DJ booth of the karaoke area. Much to my dismay, they told me they had to shut down at midnight and couldn’t take any more entries.
Did you catch that? I was drunk enough to not only want to sing karaoke, but to think it was a great idea; and it wasn’t even midnight yet.
On the way to somewhere I took a picture of this dog in a cape and then ran away when I realized the dog’s owner was bacon-lollipop Wonder Woman and she was putting a lot of effort into adjusting her dog’s cape for the picture and almost spilling her beer. I didn’t need to fuck up two comestibles for one person.
We went to see URIZEN, the only band I was legitimately interested in seeing and they were terrible.
This was the nice girl in the costume I got rightly wrong, but after she changed. I do not remember where she got these bananas or why she had them:
Apparently we saw some other shitty band, too.
**********Censored Quest 2010 Censored**********
I can’t tell you about this, but I obviously got really drunk because I only remember bits and pieces of everything from here on out, including how I woke up in bed the next morning to discover I was not alone.
I had polished off my beer and Rich let us know that the bar nearby was still serving, so I ran over and bought two beers. My final beers of Dragon*Con.
See this girl in the middle?
I am a good and decent man, so that is all I saw of her, too. But, lord, was she friendly. I’ve got another picture, but the mask is off so you’re not gonna see it.
And no, she wasn’t the mystery guest that co-occupied my bed Sunday night. That dubious honor goes to……


GNOLL!
Who had asked if he could crash in my room to avoid making the drive back home, which would pretty much rule out any real partying that final Dragon*Con evening. We couldn’t have that, now could we? I mainly set that up for a laugh because after 14,446 words that probably peaked in awesomeness back around DCW, I needed a good way to close this thing out.

THE END.

See you next year, nerds.


Until next time, stay creepy,
-Phantom

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