Wednesday, September 29, 2010

2010 Fall Movie Preview

I wanted to post this at the end of August, but things just kept coming up and then Dragon*Con happened and then all of a sudden it’s the end of September. I’ve had my resource material – Entertainment Weekly’s Fall Movie issue - tucked into my backpack for a month now and just haven’t had the opportunity to peruse it.
But finally that time has come. I’m skipping September since it is obviously too late for that, but the final three months of 2010 should give me plenty to talk about. I honestly haven’t been all that media-conscious lately (the most recent new movie release I bought on Blu-Ray was Kick-Ass [it was great]), so the only movies that are already on my radar are Jackass 3-D, RED and the new Potter.
We really don’t get out to the theater much anymore, so just know when I say theater, I mean I would totally see something in the theater if I had the time. I will specify if I am determined FOR REAL to see something in the theater.
Let’s see what those maniacal Hollywood douchebags have in store for us this quarter…

October
-The Social Network - 10/1 – I love David Fincher. I prefer Jesse Eisenberg to Michael Cera. I even like Facebook alright. Some guy named Trent Reznor is scoring this thing, and I hear he’s going to be really big someday. Despite all that, I do not give one teeny, tiny little mouse turd about seeing this movie. That is not a judgment on the quality of The Social Network, I just have zero interest in seeing a movie about some dork programming code. I’m sure it will be great and all, it just isn’t my thing. Verdict – Once I hear from everybody how great it is, I’m sure I’ll RENT it when it comes out. I mean, it is Fincher.
-Life as We Know It – 10/8 – I may sound like a complete nancy for saying this, but this movie sounds pretty good. Josh Duhamel (the white army guy from Transformers) and Katherine Heigl (super-hot chick from Knocked Up) play two single folks who are mutually acquainted with parents who die and leave their house (in Atlanta) and baby daughter to them. They have had exactly one disastrous blind date previous to this and that is a far as they know one another. I don’t know if this leans more towards Apatow comedy or romantic comedy, but it is actually an original (!) and interesting (!) premise that I want to see. Verdict – Not the sort of thing I go to the theater to see, but a strong rental. I find it extremely odd that I haven’t seen any ads for this yet.
-Let Me In – 10/1 – We all know exactly how I felt about the original movie. After seeing that boring piece of shit, though, I did opine that it could be great if an American remade it. Now we’ll see if I was right. Well, I know I was right, we’ll just see if the right American remade it. Verdict - THEATER
-Paranormal Activity 2 – 10/22 – As much as Mrs. Troublemaker and I both detested the first one, the trailer for this one has me interested. I don’t trust it enough to see it in the theater, but kudos to whoever cut the promo together for piquing my curiosity. It probably helped that right when the dog in the ad gets up and starts barking, our boxer Otis got up in the other room and started making “I’m a dog who just woke up” noises. I didn’t need that. Verdict - RENT
-The Company Men - 10/22 – Ben Affleck in a drama about the economy. We’re probably going to see a whole lot of these econo-dramas (you think of a better name, genius) in the next few years. I hope they all fail because people don’t want to see the depressing shit that they are living. Verdict – PASS
-Hereafter – 10/22 – This is Clint Eastwood’s self-described chick-flick starring Matt Damon. I’m sure it will be as good as a chick-flick could possibly be, but I don’t care. Verdict - PASS
-RED – 10/15 – This is one of those comic book movies that isn’t being hyped as a comic book movie, though I’m certain the publisher will jump right on it if RED is a success. I am totally into this one, which features Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman (thank God he’s okay after that accident) and John Malkovich as retired super-spies that decide they need to totally fucking destroy the system before it destroys them. Sold. I haven’t read the Warren Ellis comic yet, and past experience has taught me I don’t want to until I see the movie. Verdict – I am for real seeing this one in the THEATER
-Conviction – 10/15 – Hilary Swank and Sam Rockwell in a movie about a mother trying to get her wrongfully convicted brother out of prison. Probably not for me. Verdict - PASS
-Secretariat – 10/8 – It’s a movie about a fucking horse. Since I am not a thirteen year old girl, I will not be seeing it. Verdict – PASS
 
-Jackass 3-D – 10/15 – I saw the other two movies opening day in the theater and have watched both of them (and the 2.5 DVD) countless times. I don’t know that I’ll actually see the 3-D version, but we’ll be there opening night for this one. I mean, it’s our anniversary! How could we not? Verdict – A romantic night at the THEATER (for real)
-Nowhere Boy – 10/8 – Kick-Ass plays John Lennon. Weird, but I detest John Lennon, so this goes solidly in the “I don’t care” category. Verdict - PASS
-The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest – 10/15 – I still haven’t watched The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but it is in my queue. This is the third part of the trilogy that that one started. I hear the first two are pretty great, and they’re getting American remakes. Maybe I should just wait for those. Verdict – RENT
October Quick Picks
-Douchebag – 10/1 – I have no idea what this is, but obviously the title attracts attention. - RENT
-Tamara Drewe – 10/8 – I have no idea what this is, but obviously the title fails to attract attention. Apparently it’s based on a “graphic novel”. – PASS
-Stone – 10/8 – Ed Norton and DeNiro. - RENT
-Today’s Special – 10/8 – Indie comedy (this usually means a movie will be extremely depressing) – PASS
-Down Terrace – 10/8 – Crime movie. That’s all I know. - PASS
-I Spit On Your Grave – 10/8 – Really? The original was so tame. The way Hollywood likes to water things down, this will probably get a “G” rating. Is Disney doing this? – PASS
-Gerrymandering – 10/1 – A documentary about a very narrowly defined series of crimes against Seinfeld, Lawler and Springer. Who is the audience for this? - PASS
-Carlos – 10/15 – I don’t have five spare hours to devote to things I want to do, let alone to see a fucking documentary. – PASS
-Knucklehead – 10/22 – This is that comedy starring Big Show as a con man pretending to be an MMA fighter (I think that’s the plot). Big Show can be extremely funny on his own, but this is going to depend on writers. I don’t know… - RENT
-Waste Land – 10/29 – A documentary about a landfill in Brazil? That sounds FUCKING GREAT! – PASS
 
-Monsters – 10/29 – This should have been a featured movie. It’s about a no man’s land in Mexico that has been cordoned off by the world’s governments because an unidentified object crashed there and now the area is overrun by monsters. This is actually OnDemand now or very soon (in one of those “before it hits theaters” deals) and we are going to watch it ASAP – I might even have a review up by the end of the week. – RENT (technically since it’s OnDemand, but it would be a THEATER otherwise)
-The Kids Grow Up – 10/29 – The number of documentaries that keep getting produced are an excellent indicator of how many people in the United States are unimaginably different from me. – PASS
-SAW 3-D – 10/29 – On the one hand, I really enjoyed the last one. On the other hand, OH DEAR LORD, WHERE IS MY OTHER HAND!?! AAAAAHHHHHHH…- RENT
-My Soul to Take – 10/29 – I like Wes Craven, but this is a really stupid title. Plus, the trailer doesn’t look interesting at all. - RENT

November
(I know that's for both movies, but holy shit that's one of the best movie poster images ever)
-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1 – I loved the Potter books for the most part and have enjoyed the movies almost as much. I think they’re about as good as you could expect such a thing to be. Guess what my least favorite portion of the Harry Potter literature was. If you guessed anything other than the part that this movie is about, you must not read snarky internet articles very often. I thought the first half of the seventh book was unnecessarily drawn out and dull. I can’t imagine what kind of torture this movie is going to be if it is a faithful adaptation. I believe they can pull an interesting feature out of the source material, though. At least, I sure hope they can. Verdict – THEATER
-Morning Glory – 11/12 – Holy shit – Harrison Ford is wearing a Phantom Troublemaker tie in this picture! This will probably be a good movie. It’s about a crusty old codger joining a morning “news” show and sounds entertaining. Plus, I have always found Diane Keaton strangely attractive. Another thing that kind of sold me on this is the assurance that Ford’s character and co-star Rachel McAdams’ character do not have any kind of romantic thing going on, something I am surprised Hollywood was okay avoiding. Verdict – enthusiastic RENT
-Megamind – 11/5 – I don’t want to get too excited about this one, because it looks like one of those movies where I think, “Wow – that looks awesome! Right up my alley!” but ends up being merely okay. Like Monsters vs. Aliens. I can’t help it, though. The trailers look great and Will Ferrell, Tina Fey and Brad Pitt are huge selling points for me. Although I just noticed Mister Poopy-Pants David Cross is in it, too. Watch out! Liberal cynicism might be ahead! Verdict – THEATER

-Due Date – 11/5 – I usually try to avoid these sort of comparisons, but always end up making one or two. Due Date is basically a modern day Planes, Trains and Automobiles; but with Robert Downey, Jr. and Zach Galifianakis. And it’s directed by the The Hangover guy. Verdict - THEATER
-Love and Other Drugs – 11/24 – I don’t like Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway or romantic comedies. Verdict - PASS
-Tangled – 11/24 – There is nothing about this movie that looks charming or Disney-esque. To me, it looks like Disney trying to make Shrek. That’s something the world doesn’t need. Also, I think it is absolutely hilarious that the overly-PC Entertainment Weekly writer claims that The Frog Prince was a flop because it was female-centric. Ahem. I guess that’s why Snow White, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid and every fucking Disney animated movie ever made are unpopular, reviled failures. What a fucking idiot. Verdict – PASS
-The Next Three Days – 11/19 – Russell Crowe is trying to break Elizabeth Banks out of prison. I guess I can’t blame him. Verdict - CABLE
-127 Hours – 11/5 – I am always fascinated by the prospect of a movie starring one person, like Castaway, Moon or this one; starring James Franco as a guy who gets his arm stuck under a boulder for some amount of time I can’t quite recall before he decides to [SPOILER ALERT!] cut it off to free himself. Based on a true story. Verdict - RENT
-Burlesque – 11/24 – No. Verdict - PASS
-Faster – 11/24 – The last movie I cared to see with The Rock in it was… um, I think Southland Tales maybe? While that wasn’t exactly a big action movie (or any kind of success, though I liked it), at least it wasn’t The Tooth Fairy. It looks like Rocky is ready to return to action with this one. He is an ex-con (presumably with a Heart of Gold™) out for revenge in a muscle car. Billy Bob Thornton is either slumming or adding value as the cop on his tail. Verdict - RENT
-Fair Game – 11/5 – The true story of all the Valerie Plame stuff, directed by Doug Liman. Verdict - RENT
-The King’s Speech – 11/24 – This sounds either horribly boring or like the makings of a Farrelly Brothers comedy. It’s about a king with a speech impediment whose brother gets kidnapped so he starts seeing a speech therapist. Seriously. Verdict - PASS

-Unstoppable – 11/12 – Director Tony Scott on his newest Denzel action flick, featuring Chris Pine: “You might want to smoke a joint before you come in.” Well, some of us work government-regulated jobs and can’t do that, fucker. I guess I’ll have to make do with a couple of Fanta Troublemakers. Verdict - RENT
November Quick Picks
-Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer – 11/5 – Fucking documentaries… - PASS
-Guy and Madeline on a Park Bench – 11/5 – I can’t help the horrible images that popped into my head featuring the beloved children’s book character courtesy of the terrible title of this sure-to-be-shit movie. – PASS
-Welcome to the Rileys – 11/5 – The Twilight girl plays a stripper and Tony Soprano plays her dad. Sounds GREAT. - PASS
-Wild Target – 11/5 – Somebody wants to kill Emily Blunt. Whoever that is. – PASS

-Skyline – 11/12 – All the nerds were just wetting their pants over the trailer for this movie. Whatever. Spaceballs did it first and better. - PASS

-Tiny Furniture – 11/12 – Another Big Show movie? Already? – PASS
-Made In Dagenham – 11/19 – This description referenced several things I am unfamiliar with, such as: Happy-Go-Lucky, Norma Rae and Sally Hawkins. - PASS
-Carlos – 10/15 – I don’t have five spare hours to devote to things I want to do, let alone to see a fucking documentary. – PASS
-Nothing Personal – 11/19 – The Irish like to drink! HA! - PASS
-White Material – 11/19 – Caucasians bad! – PASS
Note: Who does all the douchey little drawings in EW?
December
-How Do You Know – 12/17 – The new James L. Brooks movie stars Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Jack Nicholson and Owen Wilson. It’s about two people in the midst of the worst days of their respective lives going on a blind date together. The cast is what has me interested. Verdict - RENT

-True Grit – 12/25 – SOLD. The Coen Brothers adaptation of not the John Wayne movie, but the 1968 novel it was based upon. All they had to say was “Coen Brothers”, though. Verdict - THEATER
- The Tempest – 12/10 – The chick that is doing the absolutely hilarious Spider-Man musical is adapting Shakespeare’s play. And Helen Mirren is Prospero. And Prospero is usually a dude. I think they should do Cinderella with a dude. Oh, wait…(Cinderfella trailer) Verdict - PASS
-Miral – 12/3 – A Middle Eastern love story starring a girl named after a species of bean. Verdict - PASS
-Little Fockers – 12/22 – I am so amazed they are sticking with this title. I loved both of the preceding movies, so I’m in. Mrs. Troublemaker won’t watch these kinds of movies because they make her nervous. Verdict - RENT
-Gulliver’s Travels – 12/22 – Jack Black really needs this to hit big after the fucking horrible bore that was Year One. I’m down with the premise, but it’s being directed by the guy that did Shark Tale and Monsters vs. Aliens. The latter was TONS better than the former and it was only adequate. Verdict - RENT
-Another Year – 12/31 – Something about people in London with problems. I don’t think it’s a comedy. Verdict - PASS
-Somewhere – 12/22 – New from Sofia Coppola. Cool. Verdict - CABLE
-Country Strong – 12/22 – Not my thing, but as a side note, I thought Gwyneth Paltrow was British until I saw her on The Marriage Ref earlier this year. That’s a funny show. I like it because you know it doesn’t solve anything and the people on it are clearly legit. I recommend it unless it got cancelled. Verdict - PASS
-Blue Valentine – 12/31 – I think a documentary (!) about the making of this movie might be more interesting than the movie itself. Verdict - PASS

-Black Swan – 12/1 – The trailer is visually fantastic, but I’m not looking to feel suicidal this year. No Aronofsky for me! Verdict - PASS
-The Fighter – 12/10 – I just took a Movie Minds quiz about this one and the trailer made me less interested in the movie. Verdict - PASS
-TRON: Legacy – I really upset this guy at work the other day when I said I didn’t give a shit about this movie. I explained that I didn’t care about the original, so the concept didn’t do anything for me. His response was, “Yeah, I haven’t seen the first one but everybody’s stoked about this one.” Sometimes I hate you, America. Verdict – RENT (Well, yeah – I’ll have to see it eventually)
 
December Quick Picks
-Kids in America – 12/3 – Anna Faris and Topher Grace. I don’t know anything else about it. – How can I possibly make a judgment based on that information? Like this - PASS
-The Chronic – what? – cles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader – I still haven’t seen the other ones. I loved these books when I was a kid, which is part of the reason I don’t want to see the movies. – CABLE or something… someday
-You Won’t Miss Me – 12/10 – Yes I will. - PASS
-Yogi Bear – 12/17 – Dan Akyroyd is Yogi and somebody else is Boo-Boo. I think this whole movie is a boo-boo. – PASS
-The Illusionist – 12/25 – Wait, what? I already own this. – I’m going to go home and watch it again. Sweet, sweet Jessica Biel.
-The Debt – 12/29 – Helen Mirren and Sam Worthington hunt Nazis. – CABLE

And that’s it. Much smaller than the Summer list. Although I guess that’s partly due to me missing September.

Until next time, stay creepy,
-Phantom

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